Wednesday, November 26, 2003 - Apache Junction, Arizona, USA


I'm not anti-Christian, but just who IS going to hell anyway? This question is one of the more amusing aspects of the Christian religion. Historically, the focus of the answer has always been external. A Christian’s belief says that no matter what they do (how many million innocents have been killed at the hands of Christians?) they will go to heaven but anyone who doesn’t believe as they do is going to burn in Hades forever. The odd thing is, this includes each other.

The whole concept of the Hell thing is a bit funny when you think about it. I remember my party friends saying, "Well, at least we'll all be there having a great time." And then, there's that old polka, "In heaven there is not beer. That's why we drink it here." Rember that one? I guess heaven isn't the popular place to be either. So anyway, just who is going to Hell? Let’s take a look at the Hell hot list:

  • If you’re Catholic, everyone else is going to hell.

  • If you’re a Fundamentalist Protestant, anyone not born again is going to hell.

  • If you’re Mormon or a Jehovah’s Witness, everyone but you is going to hell. Well, not hell really, but you won’t be where they are at any rate.

  • If you’re a believing Christian but support abortion rights, you’re going to hell.

  • If you’re a believing Christian but you’re gay, you’re going to hell.

  • If you’re not Christian but gay or lesbian, you’re an abomination and you’re most certainly going to hell.

  • If you’re a witch, you deserve death and you’re going to hell.

  • If you’re not a Christian and especially if you’re Jewish or Muslim, you’re definitely going to hell.

  • If you’re an agnostic or atheist, hell was made for you, baby. Slide on down!

As always with Christians it’s “I’m right and you’re wrong. I have the TRUTH and you don’t. I’m going to heaven no matter what I do, and you’re going to hell no matter what kind of person you are.” Considering the above list, there’s no one going to heaven is there? Tell me, is this really the message that Christ wanted to send?

Mayhaps they’re right. The Fundies are quick to point out that we’re living in the “End Times.” A passage in Matthew has Jesus saying, “As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man.” (Matt 24:37) It goes on to give examples of who will be saved and who won’t. As I remember, only 8 were saved in Noah’s day.

Think you’ve made the short list?

©2003 Marcia Ellen "Happy" Beevre
# posted by Marcia Ellen @ 6:37 AM
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