Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - Apache Junction, Arizona, USA
BISEXUALS AND LESBIANS
What's the problem between bisexual women and lesbians you ask? First of all, the disclaimers...I don't pretend to speak for all bi's or lesbians. This is totally the Marcia Ellen viewpoint. So if you disagree with what I have to say here, no problem.
If you search through any number of lesbian personal ads, you'll see statements like, "No bisexuals please." There have been distinct issues between long-time lesbians and their bisexual sisters. It's been called "bi-phobia" and I'd like to comment on that.
On her excellent website, Bi The Way, site owner Sunny states, "I think most bisexuals have had some experiences with bi-phobia. You expect it from the heterosexual community. However most of my experiences with bi-phobia have been from the lesbian and gay communities. It's difficult for me to understand how a segment of our society, who has been so categorically rejected and demeaned by society, could be so closed-minded to the possibility that there are other sexualities aside from their own." Lesbians tend to see bisexuals as promiscuous swingers, with concurrent lovers of both genders. They are thought to be denying their lesbianhood. They're confused about their sexuality and will probably dump you for a man. Men get jealous when their woman is loved by another female. There is always trouble with a man in the picture.
I've heard it said that bisexuals have a problem with monogamy. Not so. Just like straights and gays, bi's are fully capable of a loving monogamous relationship. One's sexuality doesn't take away the choice of living your life forever with the one person that you truly love. Bi's usually aren't attracted equally to both sexes. I always favored women but recognized early on that I was attracted to men also. Over the past sex or seven years though, that attraction wained for me and I realize now that I'm a total lesbian. Not everyone is transitional like I was. Many remain bi their entire life.
From my experience of being bi, I could never be in a relationship with a woman and a man at the same time. I might flirt with both, but that's not the same. If I wasn't seriously dating one person, which was most of the time, I was open to advances from both sexes. I never thought it odd or unusual. It was simply the way I was. I counted having feeling for both genders as a plus. I certainly learned a lot about people and myself that I wouldn't have had I been straight or fully gay during those years.
Which brings me to the point that most straight people lump bisexuals into the generic catagory of "gay." I put up with the same kind of discrimination from straights when I considered myself bi that I do now as a lesbian. I couldn't hide within the straight community if I had wanted to. I knew I was different and I was quite open about it. For that reason, I would have no fears dating a bi woman now. I don't like discrimination. We gays need to open up to our bi brothers and sisters and not ostracize them. Being different is hard enough without having to be made to feel "wrong" by people who ought to know how that feels themselves.
So get out there and hug a bisexual today!!
©2003 Marcia Ellen "Happy" Beevre
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